About These Examples
The following examples show how PACE can be applied in common challenging situations in schools. Each scenario contrasts a traditional response with a PACE-informed response.
These are not scripts to follow word for word. They illustrate the approach, tone, and mindset that helps de-escalate situations and build connection with children who are struggling.
Scenario 1: Child Disrupts the Class
The Situation
A child is making loud noises, tapping their pencil repeatedly, and getting out of their seat during independent work time. Other children are becoming distracted.
Traditional Response
"Stop that right now. You are disrupting everyone. If you cannot sit still and work quietly, you will have to leave the classroom."
Why this is problematic: It positions the behaviour as wilful defiance. It does not address the underlying need or feeling. It escalates shame and may trigger a bigger reaction.
PACE Response
PACE elements: Curiosity (wondering what the body needs), Acceptance (acknowledging the difficulty), Empathy (recognising the struggle), Playfulness (light, non-threatening tone).
Scenario 2: Child Says "I Can't Do It"
The Situation
A child looks at their worksheet and immediately says "I can't do this. It's too hard. I'm rubbish at this."
Traditional Response
"Yes you can. You are not even trying. Just have a go. Stop being so negative."
Why this is problematic: It dismisses the child's feeling state. It does not recognise that "I can't" may be driven by anxiety, shame, or genuine overwhelm rather than laziness.
PACE Response
PACE elements: Acceptance (validating the feeling), Empathy (naming the feeling), Curiosity (wondering about the barrier), Playfulness (gentle, inviting tone).
Scenario 3: Child Is Aggressive Towards Another Child
The Situation
During a group activity, a child suddenly pushes another child and shouts "Get away from me!"
Traditional Response
"That is completely unacceptable. We do not push. You have hurt them. Say sorry right now. You need to calm down."
Why this is problematic: It demands immediate compliance and an apology when the child is still dysregulated. It does not address the underlying feeling that drove the behaviour. It increases shame.
PACE Response
(Later, when regulated) "I wonder if something happened that made you feel really overwhelmed or scared. Your body needed to push away, and that hurt your classmate. That is hard for everyone. Let's think together about what we can do when that feeling comes again."
PACE elements: Acceptance (acknowledging the big feeling), Empathy (recognising the overwhelm), Curiosity (exploring what happened), connection before addressing the behaviour.
Scenario 4: Child Withdraws and Shuts Down
The Situation
A child puts their head on the desk, pulls their hood up, and refuses to speak or make eye contact.
Traditional Response
"Sit up properly. Take your hood down. You need to do your work. I'm not talking to you while you're like this."
Why this is problematic: It makes demands when the child is in a freeze state and cannot comply. It communicates rejection at the moment when the child most needs connection.
PACE Response
PACE elements: Empathy (acknowledging the difficulty), Acceptance (not demanding compliance), presence without pressure, gentle curiosity offered for later.
Scenario 5: Child Refuses to Follow an Instruction
The Situation
You ask the child to pack away and come to the carpet. They say "No" and continue with what they are doing.
Traditional Response
"Excuse me? I asked you to pack away. Everyone else is following instructions. Do it now or there will be a consequence."
Why this is problematic: It creates a power struggle. It does not explore why compliance is difficult. It increases the child's stress and makes escalation more likely.
PACE Response
PACE elements: Curiosity (exploring the barrier), Empathy (acknowledging the difficulty), offering support rather than demanding compliance, staying connected.