What Is PACE?
PACE is an approach developed by Dan Hughes as part of his Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP) framework. It stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy. Originally designed for therapeutic work with children who have experienced trauma and disrupted attachment, PACE has been adapted for use in schools, particularly through the work of Kim Golding and Louise Bomber.
PACE is not a set of techniques or scripts. It is an attitude, a stance, a way of being with a child that communicates safety and connection.
Why PACE Works
When children are dysregulated, their thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) goes offline. They cannot access reasoning, problem-solving, or conscious behaviour management strategies. Traditional behaviour management approaches that rely on logic, consequences, or reasoning do not work when a child is in this state.
PACE works because it targets the emotional and relational parts of the brain first. It helps a child's nervous system return to a regulated state by providing an experience of safety and attunement. Only once the child feels safe and connected can their thinking brain come back online.
The sequence is always: connection before correction, co-regulation before self-regulation, relationship before rules.
The Four Elements of PACE
Playfulness
Using a light, warm, engaging tone that reduces shame and shows the relationship is stronger than the problem. Not teasing or sarcasm, but gentle humour that communicates warmth and acceptance.
Acceptance
Accepting the child's inner experience (their feelings, thoughts, perceptions) without necessarily accepting the behaviour. Communicating that you understand how it feels from their perspective, even if you do not agree with their interpretation or actions.
Curiosity
Wondering aloud, with genuine interest and without judgment, about what might be driving the behaviour. Using phrases like "I wonder if..." rather than interrogating with "Why did you...?"
Empathy
Communicating that you understand how difficult this feels for them. Naming the emotion, reflecting the feeling, staying alongside them in their distress without rushing to fix or minimise it.
PACE in Schools
In educational settings, PACE helps us maintain connection with children during moments of difficulty. It allows us to set boundaries and maintain expectations while also communicating that we understand the child's emotional experience.
PACE is particularly important for children with attachment difficulties, developmental trauma, anxiety, and dysregulation. However, it is beneficial for all children, as it models emotional regulation, empathy, and healthy relationships.
The four elements of PACE are explored in detail on their individual pages: Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy.